


blind me like the dawn

by mywordsflyup



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Marshmallow Adaar, Trespasser DLC, mention of amputation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 07:40:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9873974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mywordsflyup/pseuds/mywordsflyup
Summary: The world shrinks to the size of the infirmary, to the size of the bed they won’t let him leave. A world of white sheets and strict healers and Dorian in a chair right next to him. The future is the next nap and the next meal.Everything beyond that is… tricky.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CaesarianConquerer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaesarianConquerer/gifts).



> I was commissioned by the lovely [justalittlemeenah](http://justalittlemeenah.tumblr.com)  
> over on Tumblr who wanted a post-Trespasser marriage proposal with tears. So here we go. 
> 
> (Also I got to write Adaarian again, which healed my soul tbh.)

They don’t let him out of the infirmary for three days, even when his fever breaks after the first night. Whenever he wakes, even in those first terrible hours, Dorian is there, stroking his hand and speaking to him in a low voice. 

 

He’s the one who gives him the news. They can’t save his arm. Even Orlais’ most respected healers are powerless against magic like this. 

 

“It’s alright,” Adaar tells him, his tongue parched and his voice hoarse. “It died a long time ago.” 

 

Dorian is there when they put him under, one hand on his forehead and a smile as reassuring as he can muster. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

 

Adaar knows he will be. 

 

The world shrinks to the size of the infirmary, to the size of the bed they won’t let him leave. A world of white sheets and strict healers and Dorian in a chair right next to him. The future is the next nap and the next meal. Everything beyond that is… tricky. 

 

Four days after he stumbled out of the eluvian, his dead arm cradled to his chest, he stands in front of the Exalted Council and tells him his decision. He doesn’t know if it’s the right one but it’s final. 

 

He feels nauseous and his legs are shaking but he doesn’t think anyone could tell - apart perhaps from Josephine, like a rock beside him. 

 

“We have to think about the future now,” he tells her afterwards, like she didn't start planning for the months ahead as soon as the words left his mouth. If he’s honest, she’s not the one who needs to hear it. 

 

Dorian waits for him by the door, pride and relief radiating off of him in waves. Adaar smiles despite the hollow feeling in his chest. 

 

The world isn’t just an infirmary bed anymore. And Dorian has chosen his place in it a long time ago. 

  
  
  


 

 

Adaar counts his blessings. Like he always does. 

 

He has his life. His friends, his family. 

 

Dorian, for now.

 

“Your unshakable optimism never ceases to amaze me,” Dorian once said to him. Back in a different time, a different life almost. When every day still seemed fragile, like walking on ice with the final crack just one wrong step away at all times. “One would think a war would be enough to make you doubt. Gripe a little. It makes the rest of us feel terribly ungrateful.” 

 

“I prefer to look ahead.” He didn’t tell him that if he ever let himself stop he’d never get back up again. He never told him that. And he never stopped. Even when his bones were aching with exhaustion, every cell in his body screaming for rest. 

 

“Your shoulders look so much lighter already,” Dorian tells him now, stepping out onto the balcony next to him, close enough to brush his hand against Adaar’s. “Now don’t look at me like that. I have too much class to make a joke about that missing arm of yours already.” 

 

“You wouldn’t be the first.” 

 

Dorian sighs. “Let me guess. Bull?” 

 

“He thinks it’s a badge of honor of some kind.” Adaar shrugs and it’s… strange. He can’t quite believe he’ll ever get used to the way it feels. 

 

“Of course he does.” Dorian turns to him and leans his back against the railing. “But I was thinking more of that weight of the world that is now hopefully resting on someone else’s shoulders. Not that yours haven’t proven themselves to be quite capable of it. And very handsome while doing so…” He smiles but there’s a tension in it - a leftover worry that he can’t quite shake.

 

The years have made him so familiar to Adaar. Every line on his face, every small gesture. Dorian has mastered hiding his feelings long before he came to the South, but Adaar is fairly certain he can read them all now. Or perhaps Dorian just lets him.

 

“There’s something on your mind, amatus,” Dorian says suddenly, that same old worry thick in his voice. “You know I’m an exceedingly patient man but if you don’t tell me soon, I might just explode.” 

 

Adaar stares at him for a moment before a slow smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. “Exceedingly patient,” he says and Dorian’s serious expression gives way to a little smile as well. 

 

“Yes,” he says and brushes some non-existent lint from his robes. “It’s very helpful in those long sessions with the Magisterium. You can’t imagine how much they love the sound of their own voice.” 

 

Laughter feels strange but it comes back to him easily, like breaking through the surface after being underwater for too long. He can feel Dorian’s eyes on him as he looks out over the gardens of the Winter Palace. There are only a few servants in view, going about their lives as if nothing’s changed.

 

Adaar doesn’t know what he expected. Some kind of frenzy perhaps. At least a little chaos after he let everyone know his decision. Instead, it seems to be a day like any other. 

 

“The calm before the storm,” Dorian says as if he’s read his mind. “It won’t be long now before it hits.”

 

“Things will be… different.” 

 

“They will be. For the better, amatus.” 

 

Adaar doesn’t dare to look at him. He’s sure he’s going to break as soon as he does and he knows what it will do to Dorian. So he keeps his gaze straight ahead. 

 

“Ah,” Dorian says after a moment and Adaar can see him taking a step back from the corner of his eye. “There it is.” He taps his fingers against the railing. “I’m not used to you hiding your thoughts like this and I have to admit I don’t particularly care for it.” 

 

Adaar finally turns to him. Dorian looks… nervous, almost a little scared, and it hits him like a punch to the chest. “I’m sorry.” 

 

Dorian’s expression softens, just a little bit. “We’ve both been dancing around the topic for days. I knew we couldn’t keep it up.” 

 

“It wasn’t as much dancing as just ignoring it,” Adaar says. 

 

“An ill-advised mixture of the two.” Dorian takes a deep breath. “You don’t want me to leave.” 

 

If only it was as simple as that. 

 

“You’re doing important work,” Adaar says and the look on Dorian’s face tells him immediately that the platitude falls flat. “I know I’ve said it before but it still holds true. I’m proud of you and would never ask you to abandon your mission.”

 

“But you want to.” 

 

“I know this kind of responsibility. You don’t need me to make it more difficult for you.” He searches Dorian’s face for a while, looking for… something. “But being separated from you like this… Seeing you only to say goodbye again. I hate it.” 

 

He thinks he said too much but Dorian puts a hand on his arm. The smile on his face is small but honest. “Hate is not a word I hear you use often.” 

 

“I don’t feel it very often.” 

 

“A trait I love and cherish.” He lightly squeezes Adaar’s arm. “And the feeling is mutual. I detest saying goodbye to you.” 

 

“Then don’t.”

 

“How could I ask you to abandon everything here and come with me? However much I want to.” 

 

“I offered.” 

 

The memory hangs between them. Words both are too uneasy to repeat. 

 

_ Not this time, amatus.  _

 

An expression of pain appears on Dorian’s face and is gone as quickly as it came. “I didn’t realize how much that hurt you.” 

 

The words come to Adaar before he can make sense of them. Like they came to him when he was kneeling at Solas’ feet, his own arm tearing him apart, killing him from the inside. When he thought he’d never see Dorian again. Never again would have the chance. 

 

A seed, perhaps not planted by Cassandra but certainly revived by her words. 

 

He’d be a liar if he said he never thought about it. 

 

“Marry me.” 

 

He doesn’t get to see Dorian caught off guard often. Never like this. 

 

“What?” 

 

“Marry me,” Adaar repeats, turning his body to him. He takes his hand into the one he has left, shaking but more certain than he’s ever been. “We keep saying goodbye when neither of us wants it. We’re losing precious time, needlessly. And who knows better how precious it is than the two of us?” 

 

“Amatus…”

 

“I’m a fool for not asking sooner. For not even having a ring or doing this the way you deserve. But I mean it. If you’ll have me…”

 

He can count the times he’s seen Dorian cry on one hand so when it happens this time, he doesn’t see it coming. A tear rolls down Dorian’s cheek before he knows how to react. When he steps forward, worry plain on his face, Dorian holds up a hand before softly patting his chest. “”These are not tears of sorrow, amatus. No need for a panic.” 

 

“But you -” 

 

“A man can cry when he’s overwhelmed with joy, can he not?” 

 

Adaar blinks, the sound of Dorian’s laughter warm and bright even through the tears. “Does that mean…”

 

“Of course it means yes, you wonderful lovable fool. Of course it does.” He pulls on the fabric of Adaar’s uniform as if he isn’t already leaning down to meet him. 

 

The kiss is soft and sweet and when Dorian breaks it to tap his forehead against Adaar’s, he isn’t the only one crying. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from Imogen Heap's "Tiny Human", which is a good Adaarian song. 
> 
> About fic requests inquire [here.](http://damnable-rogue.tumblr.com/ask)  
> You can also find me on Tumblr, if you want: [damnable-rogue](http://damnable-rogue.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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